A Rose Gold Misfit Ray

Howdy y’all! How are you doing today?

I’ve been a wee bit manic, but that’s okay – it’s not a dangerous mania, just tons of energy and racing thoughts. (I cleaned the entire apartment yesterday evening from top to bottom, ha!) Despite being a touch manic, I’m doing well.

I’m just truly amazed at how far I’ve come from the “old eating disordered alcoholic Mandy” to the fitter, healthier, non-alcoholic, well-fed Mandy. It’s just phenomenal to be seeing such positive results and to be living a clean, happy life.

To those with eating disorders, you CAN seek help and live without restricting, without vomiting, with the constant torment of the many and various ED behaviors out there. I know it’s part of the disease to resort to restricting, to constantly check the scale, to throw up after binging or even just regular eating, the list goes ON and ON. I’m here to say that you CAN get healthy and happy, you just have to get out of that dark tunnel of thinking …. after losing 17 years of my life to the torment, I’m living proof that life can get happier and better. That’s the point of my blogging here – to show that a happy, stable life exists beyond an eating disorder, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism.

Caprica concurs with me! (My sweet little cuddly kitt lit!)

Breakfast

I created some hot, yummy, delightful banana-pumpkin oats today! (I promise that I’ll deviate from this soon, ha.) My mix was 1/2 C of oats, 1/2 banana, 1 C cashew milk, 1 tbsp chia seeds, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt … I stirred 1/4 C of organic pumpkin in at the end of cooking. Toppings were 1/2 banana and almond butter. I had an almost empty peanut butter jar, so I made oats in a jar! Huzzah! Two cups of coffee were also consumed. I’m trying to cut back on my creamer, so I’m having 2 tbsp each morning and not dumping it in with abandon, as I am want to do!

Ye Olde Breakdown:

1/2 C of oatmeal – 150 calories

1 C cashew milk – 25 calories

1 tbsp chia seeds – 50 calories

1 large banana – 121 calories

1 tbsp almond butter – 95 calories (give or take)

1/4 C pumpkin -25 calories

1 tsp honey -21 calories

2 tbsp coffee creamer – 70 calories

Total calories for breakfast: ~ 564

Lunch

Today I had 6 oz of venison backstrap marinated in balsamic vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, black pepper, garlic salt, onion powder along with a tbsp of Stubb’s Smokey Mesquite BBQ sauce. I baked the deer backstrap in the oven at 350 for about 10 minutes and then I added a half-assed fried/scrambled egg on top, just for fun! I also roasted a cup of yellow squash and a cup of red bell pepper for 30 minutes at 350, and I added 2 C spinach, and 1 tbsp of Fiesta Salsa Ranch. Water to drink!

(This plate looks messy, and it bugs me to see it in the pic here, but I ate it before I realized that, so no do-over … I’ll try to keep my pics a bit more appetizing, damnit.)

Ye Olde Breakdown:

6 oz venison – 269 calories

1 tbsp BBQ sauce – 31 calories

1 brown egg – 70 calories

2 C spinach – 14 calories

1 C red bell pepper – 46 calories

1 C yellow squash – 40 calories

1 tbsp Fiesta Salsa Ranch – 30 calories

Total for lunch: ~ 500 calories

Snack

After my second workout, I had 1 C cucumber slices with salt with 1 tbsp of light cucumber ranch dressing. YUM!

Cucumber – 21 calories

Tbsp Light Cucumber Ranch Dressing – 30 calories

Total: 51 calories

Dinner

For dinner, I had 6 oz of BBQ chicken (yet again) with some 3 oz roasted sweet potato, 1 C baby carrots, 1 cup broccoli florets, and about 1/3 of a zucchini. Served with 2 tbsp Fiesta Ranch Dressing for dipping (as if you’d expect anything less of me). Dinner was rather predicable, but it was sure tasty after lifting weights.

Ye Olde Breakdown:

6 oz chicken breast – 280 calories

2 tbsp BBQ sauce – 31 calories

1 C baby carrots – 45 calories

1Β  C broccoli – 31 calories

1/3 zucchini – 11 calories

3 oz sweet potato – 77 calories

2 tbsp Fiesta Ranch – 60 calories

Total for dinner: ~ 535 calories

Total for the day: ~ 1650 calories

Β Exercise and Mental Health

My mania carried over from last night into the morning, so I went to the gym bright and early to help cure it. I did 60 minutes on the elliptical (~ 513 calories burned, according to the elliptical … I don’t trust them to be very accurate, but I go with it!) and walked for a minute on the treadmill to stretch my legs. At home, I did some sit-ups, push-ups, and hand weights. My mania subsided a bit from this workout, so I was thankful, but it was still propelling my body forward with the need to just move around and do things throughout the day.

When I got home from the gym this morning, we had a package on the doorstep, and it was the rose gold Misfit Ray that Luke ordered for me (he found it for 40% off on Amazon)! I’m super STOKED to have a fitness tracker, y’all. I downloaded the app and can’t wait to try it out!

(Forgive my eye bags, I need more fucking Olay Regenerist Serum, damn it!)

After lunch, Luke and I went to Planet Fitness to lift weights – Luke wants to start doing this nearly everyday. My upper body is so stinkin’ weak (naturally, Luke lifts like 300 lbs with his upper body, damn him), and I’ll be working on strengthening it. Oh well, I’ll get there in time! πŸ™‚

Do you use a fitness tracker?

 

A Touch of Exhaustion

Hey there! How are you today?

I woke up so stinkin’ exhausted that it’s not even funny. I think I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard at the gym, so I resolved to have a “lighter exercise day” where I went to the gym and just did whatever my heart desired for about 45 minutes. This didn’t go too well as I shall explain to ya in a bit!

Breakfast

I tried something new to me last night – I made overnight oats! My mix was 1/2 C of Quaker oats, 1/3 C of vanilla Greek yogurt, 1/3 C cashew milk, 1Β  banana, 1/4 C of pumpkin, 1 tbsp chia seeds, cinnamon and salt. I topped my oats this morning with some Honey Bunches of Oats chocolate granola, a drizzle of honey, and a spoonful of almond butter (I went back for a small helping of seconds on the almond butter, ha!). I had one cup of Joe with my oats. (I did not document this on Lose It!, and I regretted doing so … more on that down the post!)

My review of overnight oats? It was pretty tasty and almost too filling with the addition of yogurt and 1/2 C of oats, but this definitely isn’t my favorite way to eat oatmeal … I think I simply prefer it to be HOT in the morning for some reason … it feels so much more comforting! Plus this felt like a giant calorie and sugar bomb, y’all! I realize my usual oatmeal is pretty high calorie, but damn – this was up there. I think I’ll stick to my usual fare from now on. It was a fun experiment though.

Persephone ate breakfast with me … well, truly she just slept on the couch while I enjoyed MY breakfast, ha! πŸ™‚

Lunch

After I got back from the gym, I had a Suja, and it hit the spot! I love the raspberry/strawberry one, it’s so damn refreshingly sweet and tart (plus it’s only 50 calories, so it’s completely guilt-free). πŸ˜‰

Lunch was a smattering of roasted veggies (broccoli, zucchini, mushrooms, carrots, and red bell pepper topped with S+P and parsley), a few spoonfuls of Parmesan-parsley rice, and a mix of kale and spinach with light cucumber ranch dressing, some homemade hummus, and salsa. This meal was totally lacking in protein, and sadly, I noticed that I was uncharacteristically grumpy after lunch … coincidence?

I didn’t finish all of this as my eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach, so I saved the rest for later and resolved to have a lighter dinner since I was so full!

Dinner

Protein, protein, protein was all that was on my mind tonight after my protein-less lunch, despite being very full and eating dinner later than usual. I baked 6 oz of baked chicken with S+P and about 2 tbsp of Stubb’s Smokey Mesquite BBQ sauce, and I simultaneously roasted 3 oz of sweet potato rounds, 1 C of carrots, 1 C of broccoli with undocumented olive oil (about a 1 tbsp or less to roast all of my veggies), S+P, and garlic powder – I’m out of fresh garlic, boo! I served my sweet potato rounds with a tbsp of ketchup (because why the fuck not?!) and my veggies with 1 tbsp of Fiesta Salsa Light Ranch. Yes, I love my ranch dressing, in case you can’t tell!

Exercise and Mental Health

Since I was T-I-R-E-D today, I just did light exercise – I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the treadmill. In hindsight, I should have just had a rest day, and I may tomorrow depending on how I feel (if I’m THIS tired again, I’ll definitely not workout tomorrow). I even took my shower but didn’t wash my hair (THANK YOU MIGHTY ZEUS FOR DRY SHAMPOO!!), which is out of character for me – my hair gets so damn ratty if I don’t wash it daily, and it bugs me to let that go, but I was just too tired to do it today. :/

Mentally, I admit that I was a “Grumpasaurus Rex” by the early afternoon, and I think I was just exhausted and thus a touch moody and low-ish. I can’t nap very well – when I’m up, I’m UP! – and didn’t have a chance to catch up on my sleep. I perked up a bit after a coffee, but I stayed in my robe and slippers for the rest of the day (I didn’t even feel like getting out with Luke, which is not me). Eventually I cleaned out the fridge and microwave with some newfound energy (okay, I admit it … I was slightly manic at this point from the exhaustion! This happens to me sometimes, nothing new or scary).

Calliope was also being a grump today, humph. She kept meowing and bothering me for pets while I was cleaning the kitchen.

Good sleep and balance is important to people with mental illness – like me, damnit – and I need to keep getting my good sleep and perhaps ease up on the working out … an hour and 30 minutes was great yesterday, but I think it exhausted my little body and mind, and I pushed it today by just doing 45 minutes. I’m stellar at “over-doing shit,” as my sister eloquently put it today, and I don’t need to be obsessive about working out, for goodness sake.

I also didn’t use my Lose It! app for breakfast and lunch, which threw me off track a bit today, it would seem. But I used it for dinner (as evidenced by my portioning above) and will get back into the swing of measuring my food out properly tomorrow. I get enjoyment and satisfaction over doing so, plus it makes me feel in control of what I’m putting into my body without any eating disordered behavior. A win-win for me, but I’m well aware that this app might be a negative tool for some people with eating disordered behavior. I didn’t use any calorie-counters when I had anorexia and bulimia, but looking back, they could have been a potentially triggering tool for me, so there’s that fun bit of information.

In other news, I’m thinking about buying a domain name, just for fun. I’d like to change the name of this site, but I’m not sure what name I’d like! I’ll figure something out, methinks. πŸ˜‰

So do you ever push yourself to workout when you should rest? Do you use a calorie-counting app? I’d love to hear!

Panic at the Gym

Howdy y’all! Happy first day of Spring! How are you today?

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. this morning, and it was SHITTY of my body to do that to me!Β  I don’t know why I woke up so damn early, but I did. Oh well!

I was munchy this morning at 6:30, so I had a Pink Lady apple with cinnamon and nutmeg to cure my craving. Coffee for all at this hour, I say!

Breakfast

I had banana oatmeal AGAIN. What can I say, I’m addicted and it fuels my workout! Y’all already know my recipe, so I’ll just post a pic … I added extra chia seeds and almonds on top for a bit of variety. Absolutely delicious and filling.

Lunch

I had a scoop of chocolate Shakeology for lunch with milk. Easy peasy. (Luke had a shake for lunch too … his had a banana in it which I usually have too, but I’ve already had my banana for the day.)

Snack

I was needing a snack by 3:00, so I had some sliced bell pepper, some baby carrots, and some tomatoes with low-cal ranch and salsa. YUM! This definitely kept me full until dinner … I didn’t eat all of the ranch or the salsa that’s pictured, ha!

Dinner

For dinner I cooked some Parmesan-ranch chicken for the Luke-creature and me, and I made one tasty salad! Along with the chicken, I piled together a bed of kale and spinach with some low-cal cucumber ranch dressing and a touch of salsa, some Parmesan-parsley brown rice, a few baby tomatoes, some roasted zucchini, broccoli, and mushrooms, and some roasted sweet potato rounds with ketchup drizzled on top. I didn’t finish this big ol’ salad off and saved the leftover chicken and sweet potatoes for tomorrow or the next day. πŸ™‚

Exercise and Mental Health

I went to the gym this morning and had a damn panic attack while I was finishing up on the elliptical! Boo, hiss! My mouth started to hang on open in an effort to breathe, my eyes crossed, my body went into hyper-drive, my breathing, heart, and thoughts were racing … I got off the elliptical, walked out of the gym quickly (trying to be inconspicuous), and climbed into my car.

I sat in my car for about 20 minutes, contemplated trying to call my sleeping husband for help, but eventually calmed myself down (I called my poor mom and she talked to me for a bit which helped) … it wasn’t easy to calm down, and it was rather scary to have a panic attack outside of home, I gotta say. I’m going to call my psychiatrist once he gets back from vacation and ask him if he can give me something to help, just for when I have these panic attacks. They come without warning, they’re rather new to me so I haven’t properly addressed them yet, and they’re absolutely horrid. However, I pulled myself together somehow and resolved to finish my workout with a walk.

My workouts today were the elliptical for an hour and burned 523 calories “according to the machines” … I say “according to the machines” because they’re not terribly precise, but I’ll go with it since I don’t have a fitness tracker! That’s something that I’d like to save up for though. And then after my panic attack, I did the treadmill for 30 minutes and walked/ran ranging from 3.8 mph to 4.5 mph (177 calories burned). With running, I have to be careful because I have osteoarthritis in my knees, but I’m trying to build them up a bit by doing slow, easy running and the elliptical. Then I came home and did some yoga poses and breathing exercises that my dear mom showed me, did my sit-ups, and lifted a few 10 pound weights too.

I’m proud that I pushed past my panic attack and finished my workout today. Mission accomplished, I’d say! πŸ™‚

Do you ever have panic attacks? If so, what do you do in that situation?

Lose It!

Hi there!

I started something interesting last night: I decided to try a calorie-tracker! I’m now on Lose It! and although I don’t intend to lose any weight at my current 125 lbs (I’m actually hoping to GAIN muscle weight), I’m going to make sure I get enough protein throughout the day to fuel my workouts and to simply keep track of my food and help control portion sizes. My calorie budget is about 1900 calories, which I think is high, so I’m going to aim for about 1200 – 1500 calories a day. I’m also *not* counting things like olive oil, spices, and certain fixin’s for the sake of my sanity. I mean, who wants to count SPICES?

Breakfast

I started my day off with a Chobani vanilla yogurt for 110 calories … I don’t know why I felt the urge to have a yogurt before breakfast, but I just went with it. I don’t think I’ll make the same choice tomorrow though, I didn’t notice a difference in my mood or my energy from this little snack.

A few hours after my yogurt, I had a bowl of banana oatmeal (I need to acquire some canned pumpkin to add to it, damn it!). I added cashew milk, oatmeal, banana, chia seeds, and spices to my pot and simmered it away!

Here’s the breakdown for ya:

1/2 C of Quaker Oats: 150 calories

1 banana: 105 calories

1 tbsp chia seeds: 50 calories

1 C of cashew milk: 25 calories

1 tbsp of almond butter: 95 calories

1 tsp of honey: 21 calories

1 Chobani yogurt – 110 calories

Total for breakfast: 556 calories

Lunch

Last night I decided to have venison for lunch, so I thawed some deer backstrap, and lo! it was exactly 6 ounces! I marinated it in Worcestershire sauce, balsamic vinegar, good olive oil, and some pepper and garlic salt. I baked it at 350 for about 15 minutes … yum! I enjoyed my venison with one tablespoon of BBQ sauce. I also baked some veggies seasoned with S+P and garlic salt to have alongside the deer – red bell pepper, a squash, and some broccoli. Salsa and low-calorie Fiesta Ranch were on the side for dipping. I admit that I had a small Coke Zero with lunch too, ha!The breakdown:

6 oz venison back strap – 269 calories

1 tbsp BBQ Sauce – 31 calories

1 cup broccoli – 31 calories

1 cup red bell peppers – 46 calories

1 cup yellow squash – 40 calories

2 tbsp Chunky Salsa – 7 calories

2 tbsp Fiesta Ranch – 60 calories

1 small Coke Zero – 0 calories

Total for lunch: 515 calories

I had a tummy ache after this lunch, so Sprite Zero and Pepto-Bismol were consumed. I’m thinking it was just a bad case of gas, damn it!

Dinner

Dinner was interesting for me in that I really wasn’t hungry but ate anyway. Massive fail on my part as I developed another tummy ache after eating. I cooked a chicken breast with some sauce that I had in the fridge, and then I cooked a small sweet potato and some kale (I added a small sprinkling of Parmesan). Ketchup on the side for dipping.

6 oz of chicken breast w/o skin – 238 calories

6 oz of sweet potato rounds – 154 calories

1 tbsp of ketchup – 20 calories

3 C of roasted kale – 99 calories

Total: 511

Total for the day: 1,582

Overall, I think that I ate too many carbs today and need to tone it down according to my Lose It! account. Better luck tomorrow. I’m not willing to give up my oatmeal or banana, but I can skimp more on the small things such as ketchup, ranch dressing, my variety of veggies, the yogurt, etc.

Exercise and Mental Health

Today I went to the gym bright and early, and I did a total of an hour and twenty minutes of exercise. I started off with weights and did my legs and core, and then I walked/ran for 30 minutes and did the elliptical for 30 minutes. Huzzah! I left the gym feeling AMAZING and ACCOMPLISHED. Luke also noticed that my abs are starting to show … yay!

I had Luke take a “before” picture of me, and here it is … I hope to compare it to another picture eventually, and see the results of weight lifting and cardio! (Forgive the fuzzy socks, our floors are concrete, and I have to keep my damn feet warm somehow! πŸ™‚ ) My core is what bugs me the most – I’d like some nice abs, man!

“Before” Mandy:

“After” Mandy will come eventually, ha!

Mood-wise, I’ve been stable and happy. Huzzah!

I’m off to watch The Dead Files tonight, so I hope you’ve had a great day! Here’s to a bright tomorrow. πŸ™‚

Getting into the Swing of Things

Howdy y’all!

Long time, no post! If you haven’t noticed, I’ve canned the former posts on here, primarily because I felt I wasn’t being authentic enough (read: little cussing and such), and I wanted a fresh start. Nothing wrong with that, right? Don’t worry, TONS of CAT PICS will be taken just for this place, and I’ll still discuss bipolar disorder (and do my mental health check-ins) and eating disorders, but mainly I’ll be tracking my daily food and exercise on here as my own personal log.

I have a new goal, ya see: my goal is to get a HEALTHIER and STRONGER body. I was still going through an eating disordered “honeymoon” phase with my recovery when I started this blog (that’s one reason why I didn’t feel authentic), and some of the pictures of my food didn’t actually make it into my body. That’s gonna change, and rest assured that everything you see on here will have gone into my body for nourishment. I want to share my eats honestly and truly, and that begins now! (The only thing that hasn’t changed about my diet since I started blogging is the fact that I DO NOT consume alcohol … it’s just not gonna happen, y’all!)

I’ve also started to exercise regularly since last posting on here, and I’ve started to feel so much stronger and wiser towards my physical health, damn it. A huge part of my new goals is to put on some much-needed muscle weight and to get into AMAZING shape.

Okay, so that’s the nitty gritty, so let’s get started!

Breakfast

For breakfast this morning, I started off with a mug of Starbucks mocha coffee with Chocolate Toffee Truffle Coffee-mate and a dash of cashew milk. YUM! I’d say one of the worst things I put into my body all day is this creamer, and it’s totally worth the guilt.

In hopes of fueling my impending workout, I made a pot of banana oatmeal. I use 1/3 C Quaker Oats, about 3/4 C of cashew milk, one small banana cut into little slivers, some salt, cinnamon, and pumpkin spice with a dash of vanilla. I was out of chia seeds (shit hiss boo, but my mom bought me some at the store today, so huzzah!), so I simply skipped that step. I topped my oatmeal with fresh strawberries, a drizzle of honey, and a spoonful of almond butter.

I just adore this giant mug – a nurse gave it to me when I was hospitalized for bipolar disorder last year, and it always reminds me of her and how kind she was to me. I remember telling her about my cats, and she sweetly surprised me with a mug that reminds me I’m “purr-fect” just the way I am. πŸ™‚

A giant amount of Honey Lavender tea with three packets of stevia for my big ol’ Yeti mug was also on my radar this morning! I love keeping hot tea around all day – it keeps me satisfied and happy (although I burned the top of my mouth drinking my first sip this morning, damn it!).

Lunch

Lunch time! My mom and I went to our local West Texas Pharmacy and Natural Grocers – my mom wanted to recreate an adzuki bean and cheese quesadilla that they used to serve at West Texas Pharmacy – and she sent me home with goodies to make one!

So for lunch, I created the adzuki bean quesadilla by covering a Rudi’s Spelt Tortilla with good olive oil (from West Texas RX, thanks mom!) and heated it in a cast iron skillet until bubbly. I added some mozzarella cheese when it was good and hot as well as several spoonfuls of hot cooked adzuki beans. I let the cheese get nice and melted, and then added half an avocado before turning the crunchy-ish tortilla in half to create a quesadilla. It tasted EXACTLY like the yummy quesadillas that West Texas RX used to make for lunch. Served with a side of red bell pepper and broccoli with ranch.

Dinner

Dinner was two hard-boiled eggs with a little mustard, S+P, and a nice amount of roasted cauliflower, mushrooms, carrots, zucchini, red bell pepper, and broccoli (roasted with S+P plus garlic powder) with a side of hummus spread, salsa, and ranch for dipping.

Exercise and Mental Health

I woke up bright and early this morning, so after my breakfast, I did my pre-workout of jumping jacks, sit-ups, and stretches. Then I headed to Planet Fitness. I did about 40 minutes of leg weights before I was tired. I hope to hit up the upper body weights tomorrow! After doing weights, my mom called as I was driving home, so I suggested that we go for a walk/jog around the park in the Greenways (she lives literally right by the park). We had a lovely walk-run, and then Luke and I came back during the heat of the day (it was 90 degrees out and HOT when we went!) and had another walk.

Mentally, I’ve been a bit low, but I’m hanging in there. My weight is often front and foremost in my mind, but I’m trying to let that go as healthy is important, not skinny. It’s a mental struggle that I have here for sure, and even as I type this, I’m having to convince myself that I didn’t eat too much today and therefore will not gain weight. It’s hard having a full stomach sometimes as I’m so used to being empty!

Okay, that’s my spiel for today … have a great night, y’all!