Bipolar Weatherman

Howdy there! How are you today? I decided that I’m going to add a “Critters” section on certain days to my daily log along with my daily eats and mental health – the animals are just so damn important to me, so I’m going to do daily pics and updates of them too. Here we go ~

The Critters

Mr. Drogo was out warming himself under his heat lamp, and he was too precious not to share! He’s getting so big and slow, ha! Speaking of slithery friends, the Tri-State Reptile Expo is coming up soon, and we’re definitely going – that’s where we bought Drogo last September, and although we don’t have the funds to buy him a pricey little friend at this point, we love looking and dreaming!

Calliope was warming herself on Drogo’s cage this morning …

Persephone was lounging on the couch …

And Caprica was working out some frustrations on the scratching post! Work it out, work it out, meow, meow!

Breakfast

I wasn’t very hungry this morning after my two cups of Joe. I knew that I needed to eat regardless, so I crappily hard-boiled two eggs – they turned out more soft-boiled than anything, but that’s okay – and served them with S+P and French’s Spicy Mustard. I also enjoyed some strawberries sprinkled with sugar … this breakfast is a reprise of what I had yesterday, I realize, but it’s a great protein-filled little breakfast for someone who’s not too hungry. Green Tea to drink! (I’m holding off on the Green Vibrance until I get some OJ to drink with that shit, it nasty in plain water.)

Lunch

I roasted some broccoli, carrots, red onion, a bite of tomato, and green bell pepper with S+P and Fajita Seasoning, my usual seasoning mix, and served them with hummus, light Fiesta ranch, and Pace salsa (no shit, Mandy) for dipping. For the protein-portion of my lunch, I had a Fage Total Strawberry Yogurt with a bite of fresh mango … we have a ton of fresh fruit that I’m trying to eat up! Vanilla Chai Tea to drink.

Dinner

I baked a chicken breast using that Healthy Baked Cheddar Ranch Chicken again (we had leftovers, and I try to use everything up before going shopping again) and served half of it up with some BBQ sauce (the other half went into Luke’s dinner container). I also sauteed up some kale, spinach, squash, and zucchini in a bit of butter and EVOO with garlic salt and pepper. Such a simple dinner, y’all, I couldn’t ask for much easier.

Exercise and Mental Health

My weather-sensitive body was right – it rained and rained last night, and according to my Misfit Ray, I got 11 hours of sleep … I woke up at 9 instead of my usual 7, humph. Why need a weatherman when you can just have bipolar disorder, damn it! I AM THE BIPOLAR WEATHERMAN, Y’ALL! (That’s my new title of many, such as The Teller of Tall-Tales, The Pissy Cleaning Lady, the Covered-in-Hair Crazy Cat Lady, and the Ultimate Bitch Lunch Lady.)

I woke up feeling jittery and a wee bit manic, wondering about the point of it all – I cleaned the entire apartment as Luke slept – and then a heavy depression set in over the early afternoon. I didn’t even want to go lift weights and started crying for no reason at all. Lucky for me, Luke doesn’t take “no” for an answer easily when it comes to lifting weights, and he encouraged me to go anyway. We went for about 45 minutes and did arms. I felt better after lifting, but I was noticeably very tired afterwards.

I’ve noticed that I keep a running dialogue with myself over my size – I have to tell myself over and over “You’re NOT fat, Mandy, you’re not fat,” “you’re NOT hungry and don’t need to binge, Mandy,” and “you don’t have to throw up your lunch, Mandy.” It’s still a battle, but I’m winning. It’s strange, it doesn’t *feel* like I’m doing anything monumental here, but I guess I am. I had this same internal dialogue when I stopped drinking, and it worked, so here’s hoping!

In blog news, I hope to buy that domain name in a few weeks. We just had a massive hit with car repairs (both cars, damn it – Luke’s 1990 4-Runner needed a complete tune-up, and my little Kia Optima needed a new windshield and tires and inspection), so our finances are wee bit tight right now. That’s okay though … it all needed to be done, and I’ll get my domain name sooner than later!

Now I’m off to rest, relax, drink a cup of coffee and watch Expedition Unknown! Have a nice evening, my friends!

 

Daily Rituals

Howdy y’all! I’m going to try something different and allow my readers a chance to get to know me on a more personal level, so here we go ~

Do you have any daily rituals that just make your soul sing? I have a few to share with you:

  • I love to clean the apartment daily. Lemon Pine Sol is my spirit animal. I use it on everything, from the cat box to the counters (not at the same time, ha!). Nothin’ like a nice clean rag to dirty up and some Pine Sol, I say!
  • As you might be able to tell from this blog, I adore my morning coffee. I am a creamer connoisseur and am hoping to try making my own flavored creamer sometime soon … for now, store-bought works (despite being laden with unhealthy ingredients).
  • I take a relaxing hot bath every night and shave my legs. Something about a hot bath is just so soothing, and I have a hangup about feeling clean when I slide into my bed sheets.
  • I paint my nails in the morning. I’m trying to grow out healthy and strong nails after years and years of biting them out of nervous energy, and painting them each day reminds me of how strong they’re getting (and not to take a chomp!).
  • Obviously, I enjoy my daily workout(s), and I can’t imagine my life without them. They keep my bipolar disorder on the defensive, and I love me a good sweat session to work out my anxiety … that’s primarily why I workout, y’all, to keep my demons at bay. It really works!
  • I cook dinner for my Luke every day that he’s working. I feel like it’s a special way for me to give him a part of myself … cooking is like a wonderful song that I sing well, and I get so much pleasure if he says that my food is tasty and nourishing.
  • I do my makeup and hair everyday, and I’m a bit of makeup junkie. My hair sometimes goes two days without a wash (hello, dry shampoo!), but I feel incredibly un-put together despite curling it. Perhaps I need to study up on braids for those days! I also wear sunscreen daily and do clay masks (mixed with coconut oil) to draw out impurities … my skin has taken a beating due to years of eating disordered behavior, and I’m trying to help it out.
  • Of course, how could I neglect to mention how much joy my kitties bring me each day?! I try to love on all three of them in the morning when they’re most receptive to attention. Caprica is often the first thing I see when I wake up, and Calliope comes up onto the bed every night without fail as I’m trying to fall asleep and cries her insistent little “ow, ow” for butt scratches. Ah, my dear kitties!

Alrighty, that’s a little bit more about moi! I hope to keep sharing bits and pieces of my identity on here. πŸ™‚

Breakfast

I had two hard boiled eggs with S+P and a squirt of French’s Spicy Mustard (not pictured because I promptly forgot it!) along with some strawberries and sugar. I wasn’t terribly hungry this morning, but I needed a bite to fuel my workout. I also had some Green Vibrance to drink … it tastes the way alfalfa smells, so I hope it’s worth the health benefits, ha! I should try taking it with OJ or something else that might cut the taste.

Lunch

I enjoyed half about half of a cup of cottage cheese on a bed of spinach and half a tomato with roasted carrots, broccoli, and green bell pepper (baked with my usual EVOO, S+P, and Fajita Seasoning). Hummus, ranch, and Pace salsa on the side for dipping (a teeny bit, y’all … I’m trying to cut back). Hot Matcha tea with stevia to drink.

Dinner

Tonight I made my recipe of deer tenderloin and onions (I might get a hair up my ass and post that recipe one day) … I had some deer and some skillet-roasted broccoli, zucchini, yellow squash, and kale with butter, EVOO, S+P, and garlic. BBQ sauce on the side. Easy peasy. Coffee to drink.

Exercise and Mental Health

For my first workout, I did cardio – I “elliptical-ed” for 50 minutes and walked for 10 minutes. πŸ™‚ I also did about 120 sit ups … gotta keep my core coming along, right? For my second workout, well … Luke and I got to the gym, and his intestines started hurting in a bad way. We did two machines and called it quits, so today will count as our rest day instead of tomorrow. Poor Luke had to call in sick to work since his cramping was so terrible. 😦

Mood-wise, I was fine this morning, but then I had a low spell in the afternoon which carried into the evening. It might have to do with the weather suddenly turning a little rainy and very overcast. I’m sensitive to changes in the barometric pressure and such, so this is not a far stretch. I feel exhausted and very drained as I type this post … here’s hoping that this isn’t a tread, but at this point, that’s up in the air since I’ve felt so stinkin’ low lately.

That’s my spiel for today … I’m going to take a hot bath and see if that doesn’t help out my mood. Good night, all!

Monday Fun-Day

Howdy y’all! How are you doing today?

It’s Monday-Fun-Day once again, and my husband was off work. Hooray! (We ran errands most of the day.) As you can tell, he was THRILLED to have a day off …

… and I was thrilled to be have a Persephone-cat in my midst!

Breakfast

This morning I enjoyed a Chobani vanilla yogurt topped with a banana, some honey, a sprinkling of Quaker Oats, and almonds. Coffee to drink … I’ve been replacing my creamer with milk and stevia, and it’s mighty tasty!

I sipped on my mug of Cranberry Pomegranate Green Tea with stevia throughout the morning … I’m trying to cut back on my cups of coffee, and green tea is the perfect replacement! It’s also very beneficial for weight lifters to drink.

Lunch

I had two oranges for lunch – I just wasn’t very hungry! Ho hum …

Dinner

I tried a new recipe from Pinterest, Healthy Baked Cheddar Ranch Chicken. It turned out wonderfully … very crunchy crust! I also made some Italian-style veggies as the side; I sauteed broccoli, zucchini, and mushrooms with EVOO, butter, S+P, Italian Seasoning, and half a can of diced tomatoes (the kind with basil and such). BBQ on the side!

Exercise and Mental Health

This morning I did some yoga and sit ups … I’m starting to notice definition in my lower tummy, which is where I need it (I had a hysterectomy in 2011, and it has left my lower belly very pudgy and weak).

Luke and I went to the gym and did leg day for 50 minutes … we were both wiggly and wobbly when we finished up, ha!

Mentally, I’ve been so-so … not amazing, not terrible. I’ve been struggling to keep an upbeat mood throughout the day, and I wonder why. I’ve been sleeping well, and nothing bad is going to happen. Perhaps this is just a usual phase of my bipolar – I tend to go through phases – and I’m glad that I’m not in a deep depression, but my moods have been rather ho-hum, so I’m hoping I’ll perk up soon.

I’m watching Bizarre Foods and chilling tonight with my tankard o’ tea …

Have a nice night, y’all! πŸ™‚

Anxiety Attack I

I’m struggling with major anxiety and mania today.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat it – it’s crippling when this happens. I’m trying my best to keep it together and write on the blog – I think it’s important to share this struggle with my readers, so I’m going to push through this post.

I captured two adorable pictures of the Maine Coons (Persephone and Calliope) wanting pets from Luke this morning, so I thought I’d share them …

And of course, how can I forget Caprica ….

My sweetie + kitty cats = unsurpassed cuteness!

Breakfast

This morning I had a reprise ofΒ  yesterday’s breakfast as we were low on food. I enjoyed a vanilla Brown Cow yogurt with a banana, an orange, some almonds, and a drizzle of honey. Coffee to drink, as usual.

Lunch

I had a simple smattering of seasoned and roasted veggies (zucchini, squash, cauliflower, red onion, and carrots) and a packet of ranch tuna for lunch because I didn’t have the frame of mind to make anything else. As usual, I used Pace salsa, hummus, and low-cal Fiesta ranch dressing for dipping. I’m looking for comfort today, and those dips are so comforting to me for some reason. πŸ™‚

My twin sis Jenny wanted to try the Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks, so Luke and I went along with her. The first Starbucks on Soncy was out of the stuff to make the Unicorn Frap, so we settled on a coconut milk macchiato. Luke and I ended up getting a free iced coconut milk macchiato because they messed up our order (we wanted a hot drink, not an iced one, but they gave us the iced one for free and made a hot one). Here Jenny and I are looking mad about the place not having the Unicorn Frap … Then Jenny called the Starbucks on Georgia St. and asked if they had Unicorn Frap stuff … they said yes, but that they were running out fast … we drove like a bat out of hell to Georgia Street! Luckily, Jenny was able to procure her precious frappuccino, and she grabbed three straws so we all could try it …All I have to say is that it tasted like unicorn tears and poop! Yucky! I didn’t care for the drink AT ALL! However, we DID have a fun adventure trying to find it! πŸ™‚

Dinner

My dinner was in two parts tonight – I had some Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice (the brown kind) topped with some salsa and some deer backstrap and onions drizzled with some BBQ sauce that I had cooked earlier for Luke. Deer is SO delicious went you stop and taste it … I’ve been terrible about inhaling my food, so I’m consciously making an effort to slow down and enjoy my eats, and I was surprised to find that deer has a smokey, steak-y flavor tonight.

Part two of dinner was roasted veggies – broccoli, carrot, and mushroomsΒ  – with salsa, ranch dressing, and hummus. YUMMY, although I think I could have done without the veggies …

… I think I ultimately ate too much for dinner, but that’s totally okay! My old “eating disordered self” would be vomiting right now, but that’s not who I want to be anymore, y’all … I’m going to let myself digest my food and allow it to nourish my body. To help myself cope, I’m resolving to eat a little less at dinner and to go to the gym tomorrow – no harm, no foul.

Exercise and Mental Health

This morning I woke up and had a major panic attack, y’all. I woke my poor husband up to announce my panic attack, but I took some extra Gabapentin and calmed down a bit (husband got to sleep a little more, thank goodness!). I also experienced a bit of mania with it which grew into a full-blown episode by the end of the day.

My eyes were unfocused for the entire day (as they tend to do when I have a major panic attack); therefore, I declared it a rest day since I felt unable to drive anywhere until evening. My psychiatrist and I are unsure of why my eyes do this – anyone else experience eye trouble from medications and/or panic attacks? I feel like a major weirdo with this symptom.

I have to say, our outing with Jenny really helped with my anxiety. I did, however, have a manic episode afterwards and ultimately ran around the house, trying to clean everything and cook dinner like a fiend – I was jumpy as hell for about 3 hours. I finally calmed down around 6:00 p.m. and relaxed while watching TV with some matcha green tea.

I’m happy to report that I’m stable as I write this post. I’m thankful for my medications, my psychiatrist, my husband, my mom, my sister, and my sanity tonight!

Do you struggle with anxiety or mental health issues, such as bipolar disorder? I’d love to hear from you!

Cuddle with Your Demons

Howdy y’all! How are you today?

Having a so-so day like I was when I woke up? Well here’s a Calliope-cat vigorously licking her butt-hole! Now doesn’t that make you feel better? πŸ˜‰

I told Luke to “cuddle with yo’ demon” (you bet your ass that’s a Futurama reference!), so he picked up an unsuspecting Persephone and had a nice cuddle! Persephone looked completely betrayed by him as she sauntered off the couch.

Breakfast

I had a simple and tasty breakfast of a Brown Cow maple yogurt, one large banana, some almonds, and a drizzle of honey. The almonds were SO tasty and added a nice healthy crunch to my little parfait. Coffee to drink! I “healthified” my two cups of coffee this morning and simply had milk instead of creamer along with a touch of stevia. I was surprised by how tasty my coffee is with just a hearty pour of milk. My gabapentin, buspar, calcium supplement, probiotic, laxobolic, and epigrow were taken on the side!

Lunch

After my first workout, I came home and had another cup of coffee and then I sipped on hot peppermint tea with stevia out of my Yeti mug. After I was good and hungry, I roasted some red onion, some cauliflower, broccoli, and a large carrot (seasoned with S+P and fajita seasoning) and warmed up a bit of leftover steak and mushrooms from Outback. I put my steak on some lightly salted cucumber rounds as little crackers and dipped my lunch-y munch-ies in a little bit of salsa, hummus, and ranch dressing (I’m trying to cut back, I swear! This is a smaller amount that usual!).

My lunch was rather large for me as I ate too many veggies and felt far too full, so I resolved to tone my dinner down a bit. (I made Luke two steak and potato burritos with eggs and cheese for lunch, and I wasn’t even tempted by them, ha!)

Dinner

In keeping with staying lighter at dinner, I started off with an apple and plenty of cinnamon and nutmeg …

… and then I sipped on two glasses of a thick ‘n creamy vanilla cinnamon smoothie while watching Expedition Unknown. My mix was a cup of milk, a massive handful of ice cubes for thickness, a large banana, a scoop of vanilla protein powder, and cinnamon. YUM!

Exercise and Mental Health

Today I weighed 128 lbs upon waking up … 2 pounds to my goal weight of 130! πŸ™‚ (I had it in my head that our trip to Outback would make me gain at least a pound or two, but I only gained .2 pounds.)

I woke up in a very LOW mood, y’all – I was groggy and grumpy, had some negative thoughts and anxiety going, and I simply felt like feeling sorry for myself … SO I went to the gym to work that bitchy mood out of my system! I did the elliptical for 50 minutes and walked/ran for 10 minutes. I also did a ton of sit ups when I came home. Let’s just say that I was “cuddling with my mental demons” today through working out!

I must say that this approach to my moodiness was a positive one, as I came back from the gym feeling positive and less anxious. I truly believe that exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant, as they say.

Around 2:30, I mixed both of us some Pump N Grow (we’re now out and need to take a trip to Total Nutrition, boo hiss!) and we headed to the gym to do arm weights for about 40 minutes.

Luke snapped some pics of me doing bicep curls … the first one is INSANE and totally shows my sarcastic little my personality (I started laughing my ass off).
I’m SUPER pleased with my progress, y’all. I’m looking and feeling great!

Mentally, I started off in a grumpy and low mood, but I obviously perked up after my first workout and was stable for the rest of the day.

In blog-related news, I’m thinking about buying a domain name for this place to make it feel a little more like home. Hmm. The Mood Eater is a good name, methinks, so hopefully it’s available. After all, I’m always dealing with my moods and love sharing pics of my meals!

Now I’m off to take a hot bath, drink some hot tea, and veg out with my iPad and TV … have a great night, my friends!

The Way the Snake Slithers

Hi there y’all! How are you today?

Persephone was meowing her timid little meow at me over the entire morning. I don’t understand that cat – she was acting like she wanted pets, but then she skittered away every time my hand reached for her bottom to scratch. Then she looked at me for a while from the couch, staring balefully … again, I don’t understand that silly kitty cat!

Breakfast

I had my breakfast in two sessions this morning which is different for me, but I needed something about 30 minutes after I woke up, and Brown Cow yogurt sounded delicious. I picked apricot mango out of the fridge, topped with a small banana and a drizzle of honey, and ate it up with a cup of Starbucks vanilla coffee with Silk vanilla creamer to start my day off with a bang!

Second breakfast was two eggs with S+P, cheddar cheese, corn, and black beans Pace salsa and sriracha with a side of avocado and deep red heirloom tomato with salt. More coffee, please! Breakfast is definitely my heartiest meal of the day, but I need fuel for my morning workout! πŸ˜‰

Lunch

Once again, I had tuna on cucumbers and broccoli with my typical dips of hummus, salsa, ranch dressing. I tend to eat similar things throughout the week, so just a word of warning here … we try to hit up the store just a few times a week if not once, and we eat up what we have in an effort to not waste much! I also had a nice big glass of V8 juice, yummy.

Overall, this was a tasty lunch, one that I really enjoyed after my first workout. Now, I know people aren’t supposed to eat canned tuna more than once a week because of the mercury, but I’m living dangerously and had it two days in a row … I’ll make an effort to switch it up tomorrow.

Snack

My lunch was a little light, so around 2:00 I was feeling snacky in a major way, and I had a nice juicy orange with a MOO-Brown Cow strawberry yogurt … that hit the spot!

Dinner

Tonight I had a strawberry banana protein smoothie made with 1 small banana, 6 large strawberries, 1 scoop of vanilla Protein One, about a cup of milk, and plenty of ice cubes. This made two cups of smoothie, and I drank both! YUM!

I ate a little more than usual today, but that’s okay – I’ve hit my goal weight of 130 pounds and am feeling so good about myself, y’all! I’ll have to think about whether I want to bump it up to 135 … it’s a process for me. It’s taken me a LONG time to want to get to 130 lbs, and it might take me a while to decide I want to go higher. I’m trying to not encourage eating disordered thinking though, and I ultimately think my weight will tell me where it needs to be if I just eat healthily and exercise. πŸ™‚

Exercise and Mental Health

This morning I went for my usual hour gym session – I did 30 minutes of the elliptical and 30 minutes of walking. Huzzah! I didn’t want to go crazy on the elliptical as it was LEG DAY with my hubs, and I didn’t want to have exhausted legs.

I have to admit that I was in a so-so mood after my first workout from about 11 until 3. My brave-hearted Luke went to shoot .260 Remington’s today with my father, and I became worked up over Luke seeing Dad after that awful little “text chat” on Sunday. I distracted myself well enough, however, and made dinner while Luke was away (he ended up having a good time, anything where guns are involved seems to be right up his ally).

I also played with Drogo and had Luke take a picture of us when he got back.Poor Drogo needs a mouse to munch on – we hope to pick him up one tomorrow, but he’s still the perfect gentleman, even when he’s hungry (we’ve had some bite-y snakes over the years who were very unhappy around feeding time). I love his little head peeking out from behind my hand, so sweet.

Needless to say, my second workout with Luke perked me up – we lifted heavy-ass weights for about 50 minutes – and left me feeling tired and happy. My mood was so much better after that, and I’m glad I got out of my slump.

Calliope was resting on the bed ALL DAY TODAY … how I wish I were a kitty cat sometimes!

Time to watch Expedition Unknown and chill out with a cup of coffee! Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary, so I’m hoping to do a restaurant review for kicks. Wishing you sweet dreams and deep sleep! xoxo

Double Workout Day!

Howdy y’all!

I had a double workout day today and felt compelled to share my adventures and good eats on here.

Breakfast

I was craving a savory and sweet breakfast, so I made avocado-egg toast and a yogurt parfait! My bread was Newman’s Own honey wheat, toasted and topped with half of a baby avocado, a fried egg with S+P and a little bit of cheddar, and Pace salsa. The yogurt was Brown Cow coffee-flavored with a small banana and a teeny drizzle of honey. Starbucks vanilla coffee and silk creamer on the side! A delicious and filling breakfast for sure.

Lunch

Tuna and veggies! I roasted some red onion, a big ol’ carrot, the other half of my baby avocado, some broccoli, and some cauliflower with S+P, garlic powder, and a dash of EVOO. YUM! I had salsa-ranch dressing, Pace salsa, and hummus on the side for dipping (I’m ADDICTED to dipping my veggies, y’all). I also enjoyed a packet of Starkist Thai Chili Style tuna with some cucumber rounds serving as little crackers.

Dinner

Tonight I had Enchilada Chicken – it’s half of a chicken breast covered in red enchilada sauce, some corn, some black beans, S+P, garlic powder, and a bit of shredded sharp cheddar cheese. Alongside my chick-chick, I roasted some mushrooms, green beans, broccoli, red heirloom tomato, and zucchini in butter and olive oil with S+P, Italian Seasoning, and garlic powder and added my usual Pace salsa, ranch dressing, and pine nut hummus alongside for dipping.

Exercise and Mental Health

To burn off some bad juju from Sunday night, I went to the gym for an hour this morning – I did the elliptical for 50 minutes (I was proud of myself as I didn’t stop to pee!) and walked at an arm-swinging pace for 10 minutes. Talk about a mood booster! I felt great after my first sweat-session. Luke and I went back to lift weights in the afternoon and stayed for about 45 minutes – it was ARM DAY, after all, one of my favorite days (okay, you got me, any day that I workout is one of my favorite days, but there’s something about arm day that makes me feel powerful)!

When we got home, I had Luke snap a quick pic of me … I’m pleased with my progress and hope to do a before and after pic eventually. I can see a remarkable different in my shoulders, arms, and legs. I don’t look SUUUPER skinny and unhealthy anymore, and I’m here to say that if a girl who struggled with anorexia and bulimia for 17 long years can do this, YOU CAN TOO. I’m so serious.

What’s my next goal? To GAIN 5 pounds of muscle, y’all! I’m still stuck around 125-128 lbs, and I want to get to 130 … that seems so strange of me to write as I’ve *always* been obsessed with getting my weight lower, not higher.

Mentally, I’m stable after Sunday night’s shenanigans. I feel empowered and have pushed past my PTSD and anxiety through eating well, not drinking alcohol, and exercise. Hooray! πŸ™‚

I also managed to snap an adorable picture of Luke and Persephone before he went to work. She looks so put-out with him, ha!

Now I’m off to watch Bizarre Foods (I love Andrew Zimmern to pieces!) and chillax with some blueberry acai green tea.

Have a GREAT night, my friends!